The Onion: John Boehner To Paul Ryan: ‘I Was Once Young And Beautiful Too’

Source:The Onion- Speaker of the House John Boehner (Republican, Ohio) escaping the Tea Party run nut house.

Source:The Daily Review 

“WASHINGTON—Pulling the congressman aside Wednesday and sitting him down in his office, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) reportedly told his likely successor, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), that he had once been young and beautiful too. “There was a time when I had that youthful glow and that glimmer in my eye, just like you; but time passes, and alas, it takes its toll,” said Boehner as he gently brushed the back of his hand along Ryan’s cheek and recalled how he had, years earlier, possessed unspoiled good looks, an innocent charm and energy, and a popularity among his party much the same as that of his heir apparent. “You might not believe it looking at this old, withered shell sitting before you now, but back so many years ago in 2011, I was no different than you—a bright young thing that every Republican congressman wanted to be seen around Washington with. But that doesn’t last forever, my child. Once that pretty face fades and the magic melts away, they have no use for you in this business—none at all.” At press time, a single tear was rolling down Boehner’s cheek after the Speaker turned away in disgust from the wizened, timeworn face he glimpsed in a wall-mounted mirror.” 

From The Onion 

“The political world woke up to a bit of a surprise: John Boehner will be resigning his speakership and seat in the House. Ben Mankiewicz (Turner Classic Movies), John Iadarola (Think Tank), and Elliot Hill (The Lip TV), hosts of the The Young Turks, break it down. Tell us what you think in the comment section below.

“Speaker John A. Boehner, an Ohio barkeeper’s son who rode a conservative wave to one of the highest positions in government, said Friday he would relinquish his gavel and resign from Congress, undone by the very Republicans who swept him into power.

Mr. Boehner, 65, made the stunning announcement in an emotional meeting with his fellow Republicans on Friday morning as lawmakers struggled to avert a government shutdown next week, a possibility made less likely by his decision.” 

Source:The Young Turks- Speaker of the House John Boehner (Republican, Ohio) escaping the Tea Party run nut house.

From The Young Turks 

“WASHINGTON — Speaker John A. Boehner, an Ohio barkeeper’s son who rode a conservative wave to one of the highest positions in government, said Friday he would relinquish his gavel and resign from Congress, undone by the very Republicans who swept him into power.

Mr. Boehner, 65, made the announcement in an emotional meeting with his fellow Republicans on Friday morning as lawmakers struggled to avert a government shutdown next week, a possibility made less likely by his decision.”  

Source:The New York Times- Speaker of the House John Boehner (Republican, Ohio) escaping the Tea Party run nut house.

From The New York Times 

Anyone worried about looking too cute and too young for their age, I got a healthier way to age than to take up tobacco and alcoholism: try leading a wolf pack of people in government that doesn’t believe in government. Which would be like trying to force some hippie vegetarian to get on a meat lovers diet: good luck with that with all the frustration will come with it.

Sure! New Speaker Paul Ryan at 45, is a young-looking, tall, handsome Midwestern, man who is happily married with kids and has a life outside of the swamp better known as Washington. And right now looks like a man who just won the White House in a landslide. But the German Nazis looked unbeatable until America went to Europe and the British and French got off their pacifist pussy-whipped asses and decided to: “Okay! We’ll defend our own country!” And the Nazis actually faced some real competition.

Once Speaker Ryan cuts his first deal with the Senate and perhaps even House Minority Nancy Pelosi, to avoid House Republican led government shutdowns, or with President Obama and agrees to fund the government without the President voluntarily resigning, or impeaching himself, the new young Speaker, will be accused of the worst sinful thing that you can on the Far-Right in America, liberalism!

The Speaker Ryan will be accused of working with the Democrats to destroy America. And inviting ISIS in to occupy America. Or completely opening up the Southern border to import millions of Mexicans to take all of our fast food jobs. Or whatever the week long pot high the Far-Right is on and whatever fantasy they’re going through at the time.

Sure! Being Speaker of the House of Representatives, might look like Wisconsin cheeseburgers and freedom fries right now. But wait until Speaker Ryan actually has to do his job and get bills passed that have to be passed for the Federal Government which he is now one of the top leaders of, has to get done for the government, to I don’t know, protect the country from terrorism. You know, little boring details like that. Which he’ll have to get Democratic support for both in the Senate and of course from President Obama. As well as Moderate Republicans both in the House and Senate. Then the new Speaker might wish he was at a Green Bay Packers game and eating a Wisconsin cheeseburger and never want to drink the Tea Party again.