The Onion: Hillary Clinton To Nation: "Do Not Fuck This Up For Me"

The Onion: Hillary Clinton To Nation: "Do Not Fuck This Up For Me"

This piece was originally posted at The New Democrat Plus

Hillary Clinton would be smart to watch her fucking language while on the campaign trail while she’s running for president. I mean god dammit, she’ll probably already win the HBO and Showtime, as well as Cinemax and IFC audience anyway. So who does she think she’s going to win over with her fucking cussing. Her last name is Clinton, she’s a Democrat, a female, she’s not a Republican and oh by the way, her last name is not Bush. I mean, she probably already has the like totally awesome OMG crowd in her back pocket anyway.

But she did vote for President Bush’s wars and national security policies. So that could cost her votes with the “just always give peace a chance, violence is never the answer, unless it comes from the people”, vote. But how does she expect to win the Christian Right and Birther vote cussing her cute little ass off? She needs to be smart about these things. Hillary Clinton is the ultimate opportunist Democratic politician. Not that different from Flip Flopper, I mean Mitt Romney. Which means if it is popular and it won’t cost her votes with people she needs in order to be successful, she’s also in favor of it.

But for an opportunist politician to win someone whose in business to be popular with everybody without losing anybody, you gotta be smart. You can’t say things that will piss off one crowd even if it pleases another. What you do is tell one crowd one thing, but keep that secret, while you tell the opposite crowd something else, so you don’t lose them. You don’t put together videos especially your campaign announcement cussing the ass off risking losing potential voters. What you do is launch multiple campaign announcements to different crowds. And give each crowd the message that they want to here. As if it is your sole message to voters. That is how a smart opportunist politician is successful.