The Onion: 'GOP Trying To Keep Elderly Voting Base Alive Until November'

Source:The Onion- Flip Flopper (also known as Mitt Romney) looking to keep dinosaur Republicans  alive.

"Republicans are reminding seniors to take their blood pressure medication, hoping they won't die before voting on Election Day." 

From The Onion 

If Mitt Romney with his political background and his father's background as a Center-Right, but Progressive Northeastern Republican, was kidnapped and forced to run for Senate as a Republican in Massachusetts and then later Governor of Massachusetts, and then of course President of the United States as a Republican from Massachusetts and his kidnappers told him: "You have to run for office from office as a Republican in the modern Republican Party, not your father's party" then I might feel sorry for him. But of course that didn't happen, otherwise The Onion would be on top of that and it would be in their breaking news coverage. 

Mitt Romney is dependent on senior voters and in some cases ancient voters who still think it's 1955 and perhaps even in the 1920s, because they haven't gotten the memo (perhaps because they can no longer read) that it's 2012 and they've missed the last 57 years culturally, because if Mitt tries to reach out to voters who didn't grow up with Leave it to Beaver and Ozzie and Harriet and Howdy Doodie, who if anything are cool with the 1960s, he would have better chance of winning 50 state lotteries all on the same day, than the Republican nomination for President. 

The Republican Party is now the Grand Old People's Party (that's not a Communist or Socialist party) and they're dependent on these voters to win anywhere in the country, because they missed the Cultural Revolution and haven't gotten the memo about the American melting pot. (Again, because perhaps they can no longer read) And if any Republican who even considers expanding the Republican base generationally, culturally, racially, or ethnically, they risk throwing their political career down the toilet.